More Research
by editor frog
Summary: Profilers, technical analysts, and Looney Tunes...the combination speaks for itself. The sequel to the popular series "Research."
1. Arrival

**Due to popular demand, the long-awaited sequel to "Research" begins! Hope you enjoy the cartoons that will follow this chapter!**

**Usual disclaimers, plus I only own Looney Tunes in their box set form.

* * *

  
**

"Popcorn?"

"Check."

"High-def widescreen with HD?"

"Check."

"Ear-splitting stereo surround system?"

"Check, though I'm sure Will and JJ will put a moratorium on that once they come with Henry," Reid said, looking over at Morgan as he stood in his living room.

"They said they were getting a babysitter for the night, an all-night one. I gave 'em the recommendation—one of my tenants lives nearby and is really good with kids, works for an exclusive daycare. Comes with top references."

"Okay, then check."

"Food?"

"Garcia's bringing the junk food, Rossi's taking care of the actual dinner and I think Emily said something about holding up a 7-Eleven to get the sodas and beer. So, check."

"Giant stash of cartoons?"

Reid held up his prized box sets. "Garcia's also going to help me rig a connection to get some of the more obscure ones off YouTube and onto the widescreen. Says she's got a program to tweak and clear it up some."

"So, check. Looks like all we need to do is reset the furniture."

Reid smiled. "And set up the sleeping bags. Unless you have a pullout in the couch and Murphy beds built into this place?"

"Nah. Emily said she was bringing a couple of airbeds, and JJ and Will are bringing a couple of 'em too. We're good."

"I can't believe you're still hurt you missed the last cartoon marathon," the younger profiler said. "I mean, you were so psyched to see that girl…"

"Yeah, but…"

"But nothing." Reid was smirking. "Even us boring loser nerds need to have some fun."

"Did I hear someone say 'fun'?" a voice called out.

"Hey, baby girl," Morgan said. "Here, let me help you get that…"

"Oof. I brought help, but we're still gonna need to make two trips."

"Here's the bag full of Twinkies…" another voice said, sounding flustered and almost nervous.

"Hey, Kevin," Morgan said warmly. "Glad you could come."

"Wouldn't have missed it," the tech replied. "Penelope couldn't stop talking about the last 'marathon' you all had, and I love Looney Tunes…"

"Well, come on in, make yourself at home," the night's host said, ushering the couple inside. "Reid's still trying to set up, and he said something about a computer connection to the flatscreen?"

"Oh—I'll get that," Garcia said brightly, pulling strands of coaxial cable and other types of wiring out of her handbag. "More access to more great cartoons…"

Morgan and Kevin shared a meaningful glance. "There's a lot of stuff in the car…"

"And in mine, too," Emily said, hurrying in as she nearly lost her grip on the stack of giant air mattresses she held over her shoulder. "I swear, the guy at the corner store really hates me now…"

"Why?"

"He's out of beer. And Coke. And Pepsi, Sierra Mist, and I took his best forties of vodka and Jack," their colleague said. "Guy looked like I'd killed his first three months."

"Emily, how drunk are you planning to get?!" Morgan cried.

"Oh, not for me—two drinks and I'm done. But I read somewhere that it's customary to have options at the party you're serving at, so…"

"Thanks," Morgan said. "Add that to Twinkies and Reid-friendly Chinese food, and we've got ourselves a wild night."

"Ooh—Twinkies?"

"And red vines, three kinds of chocolate, cookies, donuts, saltwater taffy, pistachios and Combos, and we're in business," Kevin replied. "Geez, you profilers sure know how to throw a party."

"Considering we don't do this all that often…"

"Em, come on. We were just about to unload Garcia's car…we can get your stuff too on the way," Morgan said, stepping outside on the stoop. "Just hope Rossi isn't late…I'm starving."

Just then Emily's phone rang. "Prentiss…yeah, okay, about half an hour? Great. See you then. You need directions? Okay. Bye."

"Rossi?"

"Said the order's cooking as we speak. He put in for a triple."

"My fridge is gonna house Chinese for a month…"

"Chinese?" Kevin said. "Great? Where'd you order from?"

"Mandarin House?"

"Oh, they're great. Best food in D.C. Drop my name next time, they'll give you a discount."

Emily's hands were already pushing her speed dial. "Rossi? Prentiss. Tell the guy at the counter you're friends with Kevin Lynch…they do? Okay…" Emily handed the phone over. "They want to talk to you."

"Hey, Li," Kevin said. "Yeah, this Rossi guy, he's a friend of mine…yeah, you will? That's great! I promise good news, buddy. Uh-huh. Thanks! Bye."

"Discount? Or is this the 'FBI technical analyst' discount?" Morgan chided jokingly.

"Hey, Li happens to be a good friend of mine. Plus, I eat there so much he's practically floating his business on my salary."

"Lucky for us," Emily said, hauling in the last of the beverages. "There. I think we're just about set."

"All we're waiting on is Rossi, Hotch, Will and JJ," Garcia said, beaming as she and Reid tested out the computer connection. "Works like a charm. Even cleans up those grainy videos people post…"

"So all we need are good seats and we're set," Emily said. "Let the Looney Tunes marathon begin!"


	2. Fill In

**Usual disclaimers. This short featured this chapter is "Hare Breadth Bunny," available on YouTube.

* * *

**

As soon as everyone came in and settled themselves with giant bowls of Chinese—with a fork for Reid, naturally—Morgan wondered aloud which short should be first. "My man Bugs is always good for a laugh, but then again that coyote is pretty funny too," he said.

"Oh, well, in that case…" Reid said, reaching for his laptop. "I've got the perfect short."

A few minutes later the wild browns and purples of the American Southwest flashed on the screen, and a familiar puff of smoke zoomed along a seemingly deserted highway.

"All right—Road Runner!" Kevin said. "Now there's a smart bird…"

"How so?" Emily asked. "It doesn't take much to run at top speed and say 'Beep, beep!'"

"True, but think about it—no person, or animal in this case, is _ever_ that lucky," the tech said.

"I dunno…" Will countered between bites of orange chicken. "I've met people that were positively charmed."

"Hey…wait a minute…" Morgan said. "That's not the Road Runner!"

"Well, duh," Garcia said playfully.

"_I suppose you were expectin' the Road Runner! Well, he pulled a giblet turnin' a sharp corner the other day, so I'm standin' in for him…"_

"Oh, terrific," Kevin moped a little. "Instead of just blind dumb luck, now that coyote's going to get the Bugs special."

"Bugs special?"

"He never gets the short end of it, you know? Always has a plan or the physics work in his favor, stuff like that."

"I take it you're not a fan of the rabbit," Emily surmised.

"Nah. Daffy was better," Kevin replied. "More realistic."

There was a hush in the room as the cartoon continued, wherein the coyote tried his usual capers to catch the…well, Bugs.

"That set of pipes was genius," Rossi mused. "He knows he can't outrun the coyote, so he's got to resort to other methods."

"True," Kevin agreed. "But this bit here…now, that's just wrong…"

An anvil managed to thwart time and space to land on the coyote's head.

"I'm beginning to see his point," Emily said. "I mean, that anvil should have fallen on Bugs. The standard 'rules' for Road Runner cartoons shouldn't apply here, as one half of the dynamic is missing."

Kevin gaped. "There were rules?"

The room launched into professorial mode as they began explaining the 'fourteen rules' of Road Runner cartoons, one of which was 'no harm could come to the Road Runner' and another was 'no harm could be inflicted by the Road Runner onto the coyote except the words 'Beep, beep".

"Wow. I guess that explains a lot," Kevin said.

"It is kind of an interesting dynamic, though—a pairing often used to show a battle of wits used here to show a battle of invention and luck," Hotch pointed out.

"What do you…oh, yeah," JJ said. "We should watch one of those kind next…"

Reid was already searching his laptop. "I think I found one," he said.


	3. Genius

**Usual disclaimers. Sorry it's so short. The short featured here is "To Hare is Human," one of five with the Bugs/Wile E. Coyote pairing.

* * *

  
**

"A machine?!" Will cried, looking at the coyote's latest contraption. "What kind of 'genius' is he if he needs to get prompts from a machine?!"

Two pairs of eyes narrowed dangerously at the Cajun, as if daring him to continue that thought.

"I mean, you guys actually think for yourselves though," Will clarified, trying to tread onto safer ground. "Your machines help you in that process, not take the place of it…"

"Atta boy," Garcia said, returning to her giant bowl of ice cream.

"Still, though, you have to wonder about his earlier remark about being a 'genius'," Reid said. "No genius who would call himself such would need to rely on a third-party so totally."

"Well, there's a lot of people out there billing themselves as 'geniuses,'" JJ said.

"Yeah—look at half our unsubs," Emily seconded. "I'm sure they've got cards, too."

"Eh, but still…"

"That's not what I noticed about this one, though," Rossi said, his fingers playing with his salt-and-pepper beard.

"What?" a chorus of voices asked.

"That part toward the middle—the one with the falling rock…"

"Yeah? So?" Morgan asked. "He set it up, it didn't work."

"As usual," Kevin grimaced.

"Yeah, but it was played out like the standard Road Runner cartoon," Rossi pointed out. "No dialogue, just notes and signs and a lot of visual gags."

"Aaaand…what?" JJ countered. "I mean, this is the coyote we're talking about."

"No, JJ—he's right," Reid replied. "In earlier shorts featuring this pairing the coyote talked a lot more; like once in every frame. Here the writers or the director gave up on the idea and played it as a standard Road Runner short by the third act of the cartoon."

"Huh," the liason remarked. "I'd have missed it."

"Me too," several other voices replied.

"Okay," Kevin said. "Can I make a request?"

"Of course," Reid said. "What is it?"

"Can we see one in which Bugs Bunny gets the short end?"

Reid's mind was flipping through his mental Rolodex. "I've got it," he said, feverishly tapping a few words into the YouTube search engine.


	4. Revenge

**Usual disclaimers. The short featured is 1955's "Rabbit Rampage," a 'sequel' of sorts to the earlier "Duck Amuck."

* * *

**

"Wow. Someone really doesn't like Bugs Bunny," Emily said. "I mean, all the way up there?!"

"Revenge," Kevin said.

"Revenge," Morgan queried, the word coming out more as a statement than a question.

"Look, some animator decided to get even with Bugs for always being the 'best' at everything he does without really trying. God, I wish I knew who he was…I'd like to kiss him…"

That remark earned him a dirty look from a certain computer tech and a slap in the arm.

"I mean, shake his hand and talk awhile, Penelope…"

"That's better. Kissing is for me, isn't it?"

The look in Kevin's eyes was unmistakable. "Oh, yeah."

"Before we get too off topic," Morgan said, "I've got to point out: Bugs makes a good straight man."

"I don't think that's what Kevin's getting at," Reid said. "Bugs is so used to being more clever and more adept than most of his adversaries that it's nice to see him on the short end every once in a while."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Kevin said. "Keeps him human."

A wave of laughter washed over the room as Bugs's 'wardrobe' was being discussed.

"A pumpkin head?" Emily squealed. "Ichabod Crane, eat your heart out!"

"And then he just adds ears to it!" JJ chortled. "Oh my god!"

"That bit about the 'strike' thing was great," Will added. "Considering the troubles that industry's had lately…"

"Well, this was made in 1955," Reid pointed out. "The studio system was on the decline."

"Studio system?" JJ asked.

Before Reid could answer, Rossi spoke up. "In the early part of the century, movie theaters were owned by the studios, not independent owners. This ensured a run of all films a movie studio made, whether good or bad. The studios also put actors under contract to a specific studio for a certain number of years, and it became hard to get a specific actor or actress for a particular role if their contract wasn't owned by the producing studio. It's because of this that we got Judy Garland in _The Wizard of Oz_ instead of Shirley Temple—the producers wanted Temple but she was under contract to a different studio and made unavailable."

"Wow," Will said. "That was my mama's favorite movie. I wonder what she'd have said to someone else being Dorothy…"

"Just be glad we don't have to find out," Rossi chuckled.

"Oh, god—he'd send a train after him?!" Morgan said, bringing everyone's attention back to the screen.

"Well, if you weren't going to work, wouldn't you need a little 'encouragement'?" Emily teased.

"Not no train hurtling at me, though," Morgan pointed out. "Hotch telling me I'm fired would work quicker."

"I'll have to remember that one," the unit chief said, a small twinkle in his eye.

"Hotch, I was kidding…"

"No, seriously, that might work," Hotch continued. "No more worrying about my agents flying off the handle or letting their emotions get the better of them…"

"Hotch, you're not serious?!" Morgan cried. "I mean, we're people, not robots!"

The burst of laughter that broke out of Hotch's lips relaxed some of the tension, and Morgan visibly relaxed as he too began to chuckle. "Who says I don't have a sense of humor?" the older man said simply.

"All right, I'm dying to know—who's making Bugs's life hell?" Kevin asked. "I've gone through the entire list, and no one's popping up on the radar…"

Suddenly the 'masked cartoonist' revealed himself, causing everyone to chuckle in surprise and amazement.

"Wow, I didn't see that coming," JJ said.

"Me neither," Kevin agreed.

"Who's up for another?" Morgan said. "I could do with a good villain or two…"

"Oh! Then we've got to play this one," Reid said, his fingers flying over the keyboard again.


	5. Pesky Beavers

**Usual disclaimers. The featured short is "Wet Hare," one of two featuring the villain Blaque Jaques Shellaque.

* * *

**

"Blaque Jacques Shellaque? Never heard of him," Rossi said.

"Oh, he only did two shorts," Reid explained. "He and Yosemite Sam were very similar, so there really wasn't a need for him."

"His French accent is good, though. Little off, maybe…French Canadian?" Emily asked.

"Who knows?" Reid smiled. "I don't."

Garcia made a huge show of pulling out a piece of note paper. "Reid didn't know something…gotta mark the date."

"Knock it off," Reid said. "I don't know everything."

"Coulda fooled me," Morgan said in a mock-whisper, causing the rest of the room to snicker.

"_Oh April showers/may come your way/they bring the flowers/that bloom in the May…"_

"Nice voice," Rossi remarked. "Like he's been practicing."

"Everyone sounds better in the shower," Reid told him. "It has to do with the voice reverberating off the water droplets and the walls of the shower itself."

"Remind me again—you said you _didn't_ know everything?"

A loud sigh escaped Reid's thin frame as a few kernels of popcorn hit Morgan's nose. "Ha ha."

"Oh oh," Will said, his Cajun accent sounding thicker than ever. "This guy's really asking for trouble now…"

"Damming a river?" Kevin asked.

"Bugs's river?"

"Good point."

"Wow," Garcia pointed out. "Bugs as melodramatic actor."

"Showoff." Kevin stuck out his tongue at the screen. "I mean, I can do better."

"Since when?" Garcia asked, now very interested.

"Remember a couple weeks ago when we got that strange call about the agent on the take?"

"Yeah…"

"Who do you think had to act like they didn't know what was going on?" Kevin's eyes batted playfully at Garcia, who smiled.

"Was there?" JJ asked, now hanging.

"Was there what?"

"An agent on the take!" The blonde's head shook, her long hair flying everywhere. "Honestly…"

"Um, that investigation is ongoing…"

"We won't tell."

Kevin's eyes scanned the room. Suddenly he was the center of attention instead of the flat screen. "You won't tell," he said, his voice showing his mixture of curiosity and disbelief.

"Nah, not us," Rossi said. "You wouldn't believe what we keep under wraps."

"Like the fact that _someone _snores like a buzzsaw?" JJ said airily.

The room erupted into a rambling of protests.

"I do not!"

"I've never…"

"Not me!"

"How would you know, anyway?"

"See?" JJ said, looking at Kevin. "We keep pretty good secrets around our office."

Four pairs of eyes glared at JJ, a couple of them looking as tough they were plotting revenge for later.

"Anyway, back to the cartoon," JJ said, looking on as the villain continued to make more dams in the river.

"I gotta agree with Bugs here," Morgan said. "He's just not going to learn, is he?"

"Apparently not," Will said. "If he's stupid enough to try blowing them up…"

"Oh, you're kidding!!" Garcia shrieked.

"Yeah, he's that stupid."

"That was great," Morgan said. "Got any with that fat rooster?"

"Sure!" Reid said, once again searching the computer. "I think this one will do nicely…"


	6. Chickens

**Usual disclaimers. The featured short is "Plop Goes the Weasel," a 1953 offering.

* * *

**

"The weasel?" Will asked, taking a long pull on a glass of Jack Daniels. "Never heard of this character."

"He was kind of a fill-in," Reid explained. "Useful for a few shorts. Lots of times they used the little chicken hawk—same concept, only the chicken hawk talked and was a little smarter."

"Smarter?" Emily asked. "What's so hard about catching a chicken?"

"Well…" Rossi said, his eyes twinkling merrily. "You'll see."

Emily gave her superior a wary look. She'd heard him say that before, and she'd been…well, _surprised_ was probably the right word. Taking a pull on her own glass of Sprite and seltzer, she settled in to watch the cartoon.

"Oh, God, it's the dog," Will chortled. "Have to say, I liked him better than old Foggy, really."

"Why's that?" Hotch asked.

"Dog was definitely smarter than that bird. Yeah, he got the short end a few times, but he always got Foggy by the end of the picture," the Southerner explained. "Plus, Foggy always made me think he was giving us Southerners a bad name."

"Bad name? How's that?" Reid asked.

"You ever hear him talk?"

"Colloquialisms, and not very good ones," Reid said simply. "It's a form of speaking that's valid."

"How would you like it if I said all people from Vegas should have a bit of a thick Jersey accent and like keeping their business transactions off the books?" Will retorted.

"Who says we don't?" the agent shot back. "But I see your point."

The cartoon started and the group was treated to the sight of an overzealous dog doing his best Patton impersonation.

"I think that dog missed his calling," Morgan said. "Reminds me of my drill sergeant when I was in the academy."

"That bad, huh?" Rossi asked.

"Man, you'd have thought the guy was like the one from _Police Academy_, all trying to get us to quit and stuff."

"Lucky you didn't," Garcia teased. "Where would we be then?"

"Baby girl, you're one to talk."

"Hey, at least you didn't get a week in a small room while forty agents were trying to backhack a nasty bit of code you developed."

"Garcia, just how bad was that 'bit of code'?"

"Um…"

"Uh-huh. No wonder you got the job," Morgan said with a giant grin on his face. "And we wouldn't like it any other way."

Garcia beamed. Then she cried, "Oh, no! Why would he…?"

"Just to drive the dog mad," Will explained. "Foggy figures if he's going to be all militant about the guard, have some fun with it."

"Fun?" Emily asked. "Cheating death and torture is _fun_?!"

"Torture for who?" Rossi asked. "The weasel's trying to get a square meal, like our friend the coyote earlier. The dog's trying to overdo his job, showing us that hypervigilance isn't always the best course of action, and Foghorn is just getting a laugh or two from it.

"Tar-and-feathering a dog and then tricking a simple creature into thinking it's a chicken to eat isn't just 'something funny,' it's almost cruel," Garcia pointed out. "That weasel's starving…"

"And the dog'll get his," Will said. "Patience."

"Will, what have we said about me and patience?"

"That it's a virtue, but not one of yours?"

"I knew you were smart."

"Well, look there," Will said, nodding towards the screen. "You see?"

The screams of a rooster getting his foot fricasseed washed over Morgan's living room, and the group was howling at the dog's 'solution' to the problem.

"Well, that's one way of looking at it," Rossi said as the cartoon ended. "At least he can't hear it."

"Hey, now," Emily said. "Weren't there some old shorts with big movie stars in them?"

"Yeah," Reid replied. "They used to use them as advertising of sorts for the feature. You want to see one?"

The resounding _yes_ sent the young agent digging through his collection, crying in triumph as he found the set he was looking for.


	7. Stepping Out

**Usual disclaimers. The featured short is 1941's "Hollywood Steps Out," a short featuring caricatures of famous actors and personalities from Hollywood's Golden Age. If you lean something new about classic cinema, let me know!

* * *

**

"Now, keep in mind these are old shorts," Reid warned as he set up the disc player. "At the time these played, they would have been hilarious."

"And you think they won't be now because…?" Emily asked.

"Well, how many movie stars do you know that worked in 1941? That's when this short was made."

"Uhh," the brunette said honestly. "Okay, you got me."

"Let me try, Reid," Rossi said. "I bet I can get the joke."

The short started to play, and everyone laughed at the 'price' of the dinner served at the nightclub.

"Fifty dollars?" Will exclaimed.

"No worries, Will," Kevin said. "Says there you can make payments."

"On a dinner?! No offence, but if I can't afford to eat the bread I'm not taking my best girl there."

"You wouldn't take me dancing?" JJ said, giving Will a patented _stare._

"Dancing, sure. But not no fifty dollars for a dinner for two."

"I promise to eat soup."

"Wouldn't help, I'm afraid," Rossi said. "The food in popular nightclubs was reported to be extremely pricey."

"Damn. And here I thought I could at least get soup."

As the short continued, the caricatures of famous Hollywood actors of the age began to flood the screen.

"Cary Grant," Rossi said, taking note of the character on the screen. "Famous as a romantic lead and a popular leading man, but I bet most people don't know he worked as an American spy during the war."

"Really?" Garcia said.

"Yep. Book came out on his memoirs, it's in there."

"Who's the blonde?"

"Greta Garbo. Swedish actress, was both stunning and known for being very cool and collected on screen. She was a silent film actress at first, but was successful in making 'talkies.'"

"Okay, I know that next guy is from "Double Indemnity," JJ said, "but who's the woman?"

"Oh, Ann Sheridan. She was the era's version of an 'it girl,' like Angelina Jolie is today," Rossi said. "Only then, she was called the 'oomph' girl. The actor's name is Edward G. Robinson, better known for his gangster roles. You picked one of his few parts that didn't follow that trend, JJ—I'm impressed!"

"It was my dad's favorite movie. He liked Barbara Stanwyck."

As the short continued, Garcia began to laugh at the 'cloakroom scene.' "Tarzan?" she asked between snickers.

"Don't knock it, Penelope. Johnny Weissmuller was a swimmer first, and he won several gold medals and one bronze at the Olympics before turning to acting. Even though he was actually Tarzan number six, people remember his films the best."

"I didn't think you were that big a movie buff, Rossi," Emily said.

"Hey, I grew up with three older brothers and several aunts and uncles, all of whom loved movies. You wanted to go to a movie, there was no better place to do it than Chicago."

"Hear, hear," Morgan said.

"Who's the girl?"

"No idea," Rossi admitted. "Some things even I don't know."

"No way," Morgan said. "That isn't…"

"Who, Bogart?" Will said. As every set of eyes turned on the Southerner, he quickly added, "My daddy loved him as Sam Spade. I also know that the guy on the left is James Cagney, and he could sing and dance."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Morgan said. "Time out. Jimmy Cagney, one of the most iconic gangster actors _ever_, and he could sing and dance?"

"You never saw "Yankee Doodle Dandy," did you?" Will smiled. "He does almost nothing but in that picture."

Morgan shook his head. "I don't believe this. My dad's probably rolling over right about now to hear that. He liked Cagney."

"That guy with the hair looks familiar…" Hotch said. "I'm sure I've seen him somewhere…"

"Duck Soup? A Night at the Opera? Animal Crackers?"

"Yeah," he said slowly. "One of the Marx Brothers."

"Yep," Rossi said. "He's Harpo. The emcee there is Bing Crosby."

"Of 'White Christmas' fame?" JJ asked.

"Yep."

"And the joke about horse?"

"Rumor has it he liked to bet on them—and lost quite a bit."

"Aha."

"Remember, back when this came out, the audience would have known those kinds of things," Reid pointed out. "It's no different than us laughing at the spoofs in an episode of 'The Simpsons.' The animators had no way of knowing just how long their cartoons would endure."

The group watched as several famous actors began dancing, and a few chuckled at the running joke about Clark Gable.

"Ladies' man?" Emily wondered.

"In his pictures, yes," Rossi said. "Personally, though, his one true love was his third wife, Carole Lombard. He was devastated when she died in a plane crash, and it's said that he never really recovered from her death."

"Wow," Emily said. "That's dedication, being able to play the lover while grieving for your own wife."

"I'll say," Hotch said. "But look there."

The group watched as several more characters graced the screen, quite a few of them known even to the younger members of the little party.

"James Stewart," Reid said. "My mom loved watching 'The Philadelphia Story' with him and Katharine Hepburn. She was always her favorite actress, and watched anything with her in it. I liked his Hitchcock films, myself."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Morgan said. "You didn't like Cary Grant?"

"Only North by Northwest. The rest of Grant's films with Hitchcock were kinda blah," Reid replied.

"Why does that little kid at the table look familiar?" Kevin asked.

"The girl looks like Dorothy," Will said. "From The Wizard of Oz…"

"Good eye, Will," Rossi said. "It is Judy Garland. The boy is Mickey Rooney, famous as a child actor as well as in his more formative years."

"The guy from 'Pete's Dragon?'" Garcia asked. "That's him?!"

"Even better memory, Garcia. They're one and the same."

"Hey, look!" Morgan cried. "Peter Lorre!"

"The bug-eyed dude?" Kevin asked.

"Bug-eyes or no bug-eyes, he was great in The Maltese Falcon," Morgan said.

"You said it," seconded Will.

"He had a talent for playing the oddball role," Rossi said. "That was mostly due to his looks and his high-pitched voice."

"I can see why," JJ said. "Now I've got to see this 'Maltese Falcon' picture…"

Finally the short ended, causing everyone to burst into laughter.

"Dear God," Emily said. "I bet Gable didn't see that one coming!"

"Well, of course," Rossi said.

Running his sleeve over his eyes to catch the tears from laughing, Reid started typing something else into the computer. "You like that parody, here's another one…"


	8. Science Fiction

**The short featured this time is "Duck Dodgers in the 24th and 1/2 Century**," **a Daffy classic. Thanks to Rhapsody's Raven for the suggestion!**

* * *

"Let's hold off on that one for a minute," Will asked. "You happen to have any of these things with that crazy alien in them?"

"Crazy alien…you mean Marvin the Martian?" Reid wondered.

"Yeah, him," the Southerner replied. "Always thought he was a screwball."

"He _was_ a screwball," Garcia confirmed. "I mean, who decides to blow up the earth just because 'it blocks my view of Venus'?"

"Let's see…" Eight pairs of eyes watched as the young agent began scouring through various boxes to find what he was looking for. "Aha!"

"You find one?"

"Better—I'll see your screwball alien and raise you one extremely screwball duck," Reid chortled. He settled back into his seat after swapping the disc, and soon the credits began to roll. In thirty seconds Rossi began snickering underneath his breath.

"What's so funny?" Emily wondered.

"Well, if you'd ever seen _Buck Rodgers in the 25__th__ Century, _you'd understand," the older agent explained. "This is a direct rip-off from that series."

"Um…oh," Emily said. "Never heard of it."

"That's okay, Em," Garcia reassured her. "It's still hilarious anyway."

"They have to get _what_ now?" Morgan cried. "_Shaving cream?"_

"How else do you think you'd be able to keep up that look of yours?" Garcia shot back. "And please, let's not get into the realm of when certain…others…around here forget their razors out in the field. The sights I see when you guys come back…"

"Hey, now I think I keep this rather well," Rossi mock-pouted, running a hand over his nattily groomed beard.

"It, ah, wasn't you I was referring to, sir," Garcia said hastily. "Yours _is_ rather well-kept."

"Does this duck know what he's doing?" JJ cried. "Hell, even _I_ can't follow that map!"

"Or, you could just take Porky's route," Reid said quickly.

"Hey, that _is _better…"

"These cartoons were a great showcase for the Daffy/Porky pairing," Reid explained. "Throw a villain in the mix…"

"Instant hilarity," Emily concurred. "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh?" Hotch said, pulling his eyes from the screen.

"Our little Roman-capped friend arrived." The team watched as Duck Dodgers and Marvin the Martian met and instantly drew lines in the sand.

"Did you know that Marvin the Martian didn't have a name during the Golden Age of Cartoons?" Reid suddenly quipped.

"What? No. You're wrong," Garcia countered. "Marvin the Martian's always been…Marvin the Martian…" The tech's voice dropped two octaves as she added, "Hasn't he?"

"No, he hasn't," Reid replied. "He was just a random Martian. It's because of the character's popularity since the Golden Age that he received an 'official' name."

"Oh. Well, he's still Marvin."

"I think so too," Morgan said. "I mean, he just doesn't seem like a Hank."

"Or a Wilbur," Emily piped up, making a face.

"Or an Alphonse," Kevin said. Suddenly the bespectacled tech found himself being stared at by numerous eyes. "What? Alphonse is a perfectly good name for a cartoon character…just not _this_ one."

"Oh-oh," Rossi said suddenly, a small smile crossing his face. "Disintegration vest, indeed!"

"That'll learn 'im, it will," Will chuckled, his bright eyes taking in the sight of a vest with what looked like gunpowder in a pile beneath it.

"Of course," Reid said simply. "He said it was, and it was. The notion of taking things too literally in cartoons was one of the major mainstays of their humor."

"Only you would think of that, Reid," Emily said as she indulged in her third Coke mixer.

"How do you think Road Runner cartoons worked, other than the physics jokes?"

The room fell silent a minute. "Good point," Emily conceded finally.

"Thanks." Just then a loud explosion rocked the speakers in Morgan's living room, making it seem as if someone had set off a nuclear bomb in the next room.

"Whoa!"

"No way!"

"Are you kiddin' me?"

"Nope," Kevin said finally. "Determined, he is."

As the credits rolled, Emily said, "Isn't there another one with him in it?"

"Sure," Garcia replied. "My brothers always liked the one he did with Bugs Bunny…"


	9. More Science Fiction

**The featured short is 1958's "Hare-Way to the Stars," a Bugs/Marvin the Martian classic. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**

"Oh, yeah, I remember," Reid said. "The one with the Martians…"

"Well, duh," Emily said, trying not to fall over onto Hotch's lap. "Course there's Martians…got Marvin and everything…"

"Okay, no more for Emily," Hotch said gently, removing the glass tumbler out of the slightly tipsy agent's hand. "If I have to wear you like a fur coat, you've had enough."

"Spoilsport."

"Em, if you're drunk you won't get the jokes," Garcia said plainly.

Emily remained quiet for a long moment. "Maybe you might possibly have a point there," she drawled, making Will's accent seem like proper English. Then, inexplicably, she fell asleep.

"Did she do this after that case in Vegas?" Morgan asked.

"Pretty much. Got on the plane, complained about takeoff, and then out like a light," JJ said. "Give her twenty minutes and she'll wake up."

"And be mad she slept through half the cartoons," Hotch pointed out.

"It's still early, guys," Morgan pointed out. "Anyone up for more Cokes?"

"Straight Coke, please," Rossi said.

"Me too," said JJ.

"Me three," said Garcia and Kevin in unison.

"Just water for me, please," called Will.

"Okay…Reid?"

"Mmm?"

"You want somethin'?"

"Double shot espresso, triple foam, hazelnut creamer," Reid said quickly, scouring through his set of discs. "I know I've got it somewhere…"

"Kid, this is not Starbucks. You want black or cream and sugar?"

"Yes."

"Which one?"

"Um, cream. And sugar."

"Psst," JJ hissed, wiggling a finger at Morgan. Silently, she mouthed the words 'very little sugar' at the agent while simultaneously pointing at the back of Reid's head. Morgan nodded in agreement and went in to get the drinks.

"It's here somewhere…just give me a…aha!" the young agent cried out, hoisting the prized box set as though it were an award. "Found it!"

"Hooray!" JJ said. "Now, please…"

Reid tossed in the short and settled in. Just as Morgan came around with the drinks, Bugs Bunny was waking up from a very long night.

"Sounds like he and Emily could swap notes," Morgan chuckled, handing Reid his coffee.

"Well, five rum and Cokes will do that to a girl," Garcia pointed out.

"Yeah, but at least she hasn't woken up on some weird glass-like planet," Will added. "I mean, I'd be scared I'd fall off into nothingness."

"This is a cartoon, Will," Hotch said. "Where's the suspense of disbelief?"

"It stopped when there was about a zillion miles of vacuum-black space under my feet," the Southerner replied. "_Tell_ me that wouldn't be scary."

"Well, okay…"

"Oho!" Rossi chortled. "Here comes our little friend…"

"And there he goes again!" Garcia cried. "You know, maybe Bugs should blow up Mars and see how Marvin likes it."

"Settle down, Penelope," Kevin soothed. "He'll get his."

"I know, I know, but still…"

"Love the double-take," JJ said. "As if blowing up planets to gain a better view is a normal occurrence."

"And there goes the thingie," Will said.

"And here come the Martians," Reid chortled.

"Ugly things, aren't they?" Hotch said.

"Well, Hotch, what does a Martian look like?"

"I dunno…little?"

"And green and bird-like?"

"I haven't the faintest."

"I can call up NASA…" JJ quipped.

"Never mind," Reid said. "They're Martians, and that's enough."

"Not too bright though, are they?" Kevin pointed out as one decided to match wits with Bugs on a scooter.

"No. Not too bright." Reid laughed as the Martian fell through the glass floor into space.

"See? Right there, that's what I'm talkin' about!" Will exclaimed. "Zillions of miles of nothingness…"

"No space rides for you, huh?" JJ teased.

"Not like that."

"Uh-oh," Rossi snickered. "Houston, we have a problem…"

"An Earth full of Martians? I'll say!" Garcia laughed as the cartoon ended. The tech looked over at the sleeping Emily, who was now snoring like a log.

"Hey," Morgan said. "Isn't there a cartoon about a squirrel trying to get some sleep?"

"There is," Reid said, and started looking through the boxes again.


	10. Vacation Time

**The featured short is "Porky Chops," a Porky stand-alone featuring a Bugs-like squirrel. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**

"So there's this squirrel," Reid said as he sorted through the collection of discs on the floor once again.

"Like the kind I'm always chasing out of my bird feeder?" JJ queried.

"Kind of. He's on vacation, until Porky shows up." Finding the right disc, Reid popped it in and hit play. An image of a squirrel with a thick Brooklyn accent appeared on screen, getting ready to sleep.

"I see why you thought of this," Hotch mused, shifting his almost dead arm from underneath the snoring Emily. "Good thing it's Friday night…"

"Unless we get a call," JJ pointed out.

"I'm sending Anderson's team out if we do," Hotch said. "We need a break too."

"Hear hear," Morgan said, clapping a little. "Oh-oh."

"What?"

"Porky's about to have a problem…"

The squirrel on screen made quick work of a long-handled axe threatening to cut down his tree.

"Now if only it were that simple," Rossi pointed out.

"We'd all be out of work," Morgan replied.

"But the world would be a better place."

"True that." A cacophony of chortles rose as the squirrel used some 'drastic' measures to ensure the longevity of his 'vacation spot."

"Now, why can't we do that?" Morgan asked.

"Do what?" Hotch wondered.

"Just move the tree branch and knock the unsub in the head with it," Morgan clarified. "Or send him falling sixteen stories and have them in perfect condition to arrest."

"Because physics has _laws_, Morgan," Reid said in an exasperated tone. "Lord knows there's times I wanted to make things break or walk through walls, but no dice."

"I'm just sayin'…"

"I know. It'd be nice." Reid's attention turned back to the cartoon. "Oh, that's not good…"

"An angry bear?"

"I think we've surpassed _angry_ and went straight to _gone,_ Hotch…"

"Reminds me of my second ex-wife," Rossi chuckled. "Zero to _that _in less than a minute."

As the cartoon ended, Emily began to stir. "Wha'd I miss?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "Ow…my head…"

"Hang on, I'll get the Advil," Morgan said, heading for the bathroom.

"Just bring the bottle," Emily said. "That many should do the trick."

"Hey," Garcia asked, trying not to look amused as her colleague tried to orient herself with a hangover. "Isn't there some sort of wicked witch in these things?"

"Yeah! Witch Hazel!" Kevin chortled. When he got funny stares, he hastily explained, "My sister loved those ones. There were only like, two or four of them…"

"I think I've got one," Reid said. "Hang on…"


	11. Hansel and Gretel

**The featured short is 1954's _Bewitched Bunny,_ the first appearance of Witch Hazel. Thanks to mabelreid for the suggestion!**

* * *

"You have a sister?" Garcia asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yeah. Claudia. She's actually my stepsister—her mom married my dad when we were like, two and three—but as far as she and I are concerned…" Kevin noticed the look on his best girl's face and hastily added, "She's, uh, married now, to a nice guy working on the base. Flies helicopters for the Marine Corps."

"Your sister lives at Quantico?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, over in the family housing—two kids," Kevin beamed, pulling out his wallet. "The little one's my niece Claire, and the big guy in the pumpkin outfit is my nephew Zack. He's five."

"Oh, I'm _so_ looking forward to Thanksgiving!" Garcia cooed. "They're _adorable!_ Look at her little itty-bitty nose…!"

"So don't set a place for you this year, Garcia?" JJ teased.

"Of course!" Then the tech thought a moment. "Well, save some ice cream and pie—I'll need something to snack on whilst helping you watch the Lions lose…"

"True that," JJ agreed. Every year she rooted for the Lions (unless, of course, the Redskins were playing on Thanksgiving Day), and most of the time she was disappointed by the end of the night.

"Found it," Reid said breathlessly, waving the disc in his hands. Soon Bugs Bunny was doing a fair recitation of the fairy tale of _Hansel and Gretel_.

"Don't you love how he breaks off reading at the precise moment her line in the book comes up?" Kevin said. "Old girl's got some magical talent, there…"

"It's timing, Kevin," Garcia argued. "Just cause you don't like Bugs…"

"It's not that I don't like him," Kevin sputtered. "I just like seeing him lose once in a while."

"Sounds like you don't like him to me," Rossi muttered. Just then the sight of two fat, cherubic children with bad German accents filled the screen.

"Oh, God," Emily cried. "_Uber-_children!"

"She got to them already!" Garcia spluttered, horrified.

"Nah, they're supposed to be like that," Kevin reassured them. "She's a trip, that old girl…"

"Oh, yes, let's teach kids to follow strange women so they can eat ice cream and get stuck in a roaster," Hotch said, showing a side to him that the team normally didn't get to see.

"Was that sarcasm, Hotch?" Morgan asked.

"I'm serious."

"Apparently."

"Shh," the techs hissed, and soon fat Hansel and chubby Gretel hurled a rather clever insult to the witch before taking off into safety.

"Your mother rides a vacuum cleaner?" Emily giggled. "Pretty good."

"I'd have said something else," Morgan said.

"Oooh, what?"

"There's ladies present."

"Aww, you're no fun." Emily put on a mock-pout, her head still reeling from her earlier imbibing.

"Look, now she's decided to eat rabbit instead," Kevin chortled. "Yeah, you and your generous contributions, indeed!"

Will, meanwhile, was chuckling softly. "Sidesaddle," he murmured.

"What about it?" JJ wondered.

"Riding sidesaddle _does_ prove a lady's quality," he explained.

"I don't…"

"Women weren't supposed to have their legs apart, JJ," Emily chimed in. "Today it's still a taboo in high society, but most women are pretty progressive."

"Aha."

The antics continued onscreen, and suddenly the team fell into fits of laughter as Witch Hazel made herself laugh with double entendre.

"She _is_ a riot!" Garcia said, tears rolling down her face.

"And look! "In case of emergency, break glass'!" Rossi howled. "Huh. I wonder what the powder does…"

All eyes were fixed on the poor witch as she turned into a beautiful female companion for the harried Bugs. Then the short ended.

"Women are not witches," Emily said.

"Yes, they are," Will countered.

"How so, smart guy? Remember, I'm armed."

Will looked at his friend suspiciously. "Just kidding, I left it home," she said finally. "But seriously, what makes you think we're witches?"

"Girls always know what buttons to push on a guy to make them do whatever they want," the Southerner said. "Plus, they're beautiful."

"Well, it's a two-way street. I'm not exactly in a room full of ugly men."

Now the whole room really bursted into chuckles. "Someday you and I will have a sit-down about this," Emily promised Will. "But not now. My head hurts."

The room exploded louder, and no one noticed Rossi poring over the lists of cartoons available to them. Suddenly he picked up a disc and handed it to the night's impresario. "How about this one?" he asked.


	12. Hasenpfeffer

**Sorry for the wait on this--RL and a broken laptop got in the way. Hope you enjoy!**

**The short this time is 'Shishkabugs,' available on YouTube.

* * *

  
**

"_Cook! Where's my lunch?! Where's my dinner?!!"_

"Whoa," Garcia said. "Scary…"

"Looks like Strauss after a bad night," Emily quipped, her small burst of giggles telling.

"And he throws away perfectly good food, too," Rossi mourned. "I'll bet you kids haven't even seen a Cornish hen."

"I have," Emily piped up. "Mother's favorite."

"Still."

"_Make me hasenpfeffer, right away!"_

Eight pairs of eyes furrowed in confusion. "What's that?" Kevin wondered. "Some sort of chocolate sauce?"

"You'll see," Rossi told them. "Patience."

"Yeah, well, it may be a virtue, but it's not one of mine," Garcia said.

"I think we're…" JJ chirped just as Yosemite Sam read from the cookbook.

"_Ingredients: One medium sized rabbit…"_

"Rabbit?" Garcia said. "As in _eating-the-Easter Bunny_ type rabbit?"

"As in _Bugs looks good in brown gravy_?" Kevin said, a weird little smile of satisfaction stretching over his features.

"Rabbit _is_ a form of wild game," Rossi told the couple. "Pretty good too, if you know how to make it right."

"I'll stick with chicken," Garcia said, the thought of bunnies on her dinner plate making her a little squeamish.

"Look how Sam is working his angle," Morgan said. "Lies of omission."

"I don't follow…" Hotch said. "Seems pretty straightforward to me. He's telling Bugs the king wants him for dinner."

"Well, yeah, but see how it's worded, Hotch? Bugs thinks he's a guest, not the main course!"

"Not unlike any unsub we've had in the past," the lead agent reminded him. "You know as well as anyone that unsubs are patently good liars."

"Very true."

"_350 degrees! Too hot for me…"_

"Too hot for anyone," Emily snickered. "Even if you do have Worcestershire sauce as a coat."

"Look at that," Kevin said. "He's been studying."

"Oh, his goodbyes?"

"Yeah. He hit like, five or six different kinds."

"Not impossible. I know about ten." The room suddenly looked at Emily with slight wonder. "Ambassador's kid, remember?"

"Well, we're learning more about Emily Prentiss tonight, that's for sure," Morgan teased gently. "Eatin' hens and hobnobbing…"

"Plus there's a lesson in there about spirits," Rossi chimed in.

"Hey. My spirits are great."

"We can tell," Reid said simply, taking in the sight of the woman sprawled out over a third of Morgan's couch.

"Shut up."

"_Cook! Where's my hasenpfeffer?!"_

"Demanding little thing, isn't he?" JJ sniped.

"And then he gets it raw," Rossi said. "Oh-oh. Looks like Sam's got problems…"

"_Take it away and prepare it right, or I'll have you drawn and quartered!"_

"Ouch," a few voices said.

"What's that?" Kevin asked.

"In medieval times, one punishment was to be drawn and quartered—literally, to have your limbs drawn from your torso in an 'X' like shape. Either you were 'drawn' in this fashion until you had your limbs ripped off, or someone would slice you with a sword in quarters," Reid supplied.

"Geez. And I thought IA was tough."

The audience watched as the _hasenpfeffer_ was presented.

"Who wants odds on it not being right?" Will joked.

"Sucker bet," Kevin said. "We know how this is gonna turn out."

"And there's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern," Emily said, laughing at the inept guards coming to collect Sam. "Just can't get it right, can they?"

"Who?" Morgan asked.

"_Hamlet,_ Morgan," Reid said. "Really. I think you'd like that one."

"I'll rent the movie."

"Wonder who's gonna take that job now?" Reid said, chuckling at the posted offering in the short.

"Three guesses," Rossi said.

"Aw," Kevin said. "That's not fair…"

The short ended, and soon JJ was picking through the available choices. "I know it's in here somewhere," she said.

"What's that, _cher_?"

"One of my favorites," the liaison replied.


End file.
